"I'm Sorry....."I'm Not."

 "Are these all yours?"-Blonde Lady.   "Yes. Ma'am!"-Me.     "I'm Sorry!"-Blonde Lady.  "I'm NOT.  I am VERY Thankful."- Me


              Are people really that rude? The answer is yes they are.  The problem is they don't see anything wrong with these types of comments. And Lord knows, with 5 little ones; I hear it ALL the time.  This time was different somehow. Not just because it was the first time someone made a negative comment around Dan.  But, because it was the first time Isaac heard it, and understood what she was saying to me.

            "Mama?" Those beautiful big brown eyes looked at me with a sadness I couldn't explain.   "Yes, Isaac?" I replied.   "Why was that woman sad that I was born? I am glad I am born."  Part of me wished she would walk around the corner so SHE could answer his plea. But... "Isaac, some people don't like children...But, Mama and Daddy we do. And you have LOTS of people that love all of you and are extremely happy you are born."

        I am Mama. That is the word, it completes me.  I am protective. I am sensitive. My whole heart is sad when they cry (especially after a spankin). I say it all the time to be cute, but the reality is I really do want to beat up little children at playgrounds for hurting my baby.  They grow so fast and the mere glimpse of a photo of them makes me tear up and literally feel it in my heart. I love them so much, and sometimes I wish I could have 10 but, reality is that aint happening. So if there was one thing that hurts me the most is Societies view on these beautiful human beings that teach us what we have forgotten as we got older.  Patience. Love. Simplicity. To Live. To Forgive.  To have mercy and everything that God sent them for.  They are in reality the very BEST of God's work.  They are here to help remind us of the relationship between God and Man.  God the Father shows shows all those things to us, and God knows we test his patience.  But, Children are here to show us that same relationship, We like the Father should deal with them how we want God to deal with us, in our short comings.  Children are a blessing. 

"But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God. Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child shall in no wise enter therein."  Luke 18:16

        So when this Blonde Lady flashed the Catholic "sign of the cross" on her chest as she said "I'm Sorry."  I reminded her that "I am NOT"  I am NOT sorry that I have 5 beautiful children. I am not sorry that they drive me nuts sometimes because they are teaching me something. Even if I want to hit my head on the wall, DAILY. I also remember it is something within me that needs to changing.  And what a blessing it is to be rewarded so abundantly by God.  I am SO happy that all 5 of my children were given the chance at existance.  Not cause I choose, But, Because God did.  Sorry? NEVER.

WHY I AM A MOMMA

(Here it is, THE TESTIMONY many have been waiting for)

In 1999, I was going through a whole lot in life, details of which I choose to keep to myself.  However, Midst it all and depression, I found myself  PREGNANT. And as you would expect the false accusations arised, none true, but none the less between the accusations and just down right cruel people with cruel intentions, I couldnt handle the fact, I was pregnant. I felt my only choice was the unthinkable. I called and set up my Abortion. Yep, simple as that. I called they asked no details other than names, and off I went to have done what went against my every being.  And to my unfortunate relization, I woke up during the procedure enough to fight and cry and say loud and through tears. "No, Dont, I changed my mind". Only to fall asleep again. And it was over.

(Taking a moment. Pausing. Being comforted that my baby is resting in peace with My God. Who saved me)


So, Fast foward to 2002 (warning:woman topic) I started having problems with my period. Instead of it lasting for 3or4 Days, it still would come every 30 days, but it would last maybe an hour.  So off I went to my midwife who happens to be practicing under the number one fertility Doc in the nation(Dr.Nuelander...Not sure if he still is but 9 years ago he was, He also appeared on the Ricki Lake documentary).  And Long story short and some sono's later, I went into see "Dr. N".  He told me this: "Your right ovary is afixed. It means because of the struggling I did during my abortion, there was scar tissue that formed. This scar tissue would make it so the tube was pinched off, not allowing anything to pass either way." I immediately questioned about my left ovary. He replied with this, "Well, your left ovary has some cysts on it. One is pretty large, its suffocating your left side of your ovary/tube obstructing the passage way on that side, hence the reason behind the absence of your period."  He finally said. "It is not possible for you to have children, without help. I recommend starting treatment immediately."  

This is when I promptly told him No. And that God was gonna heal me. He told me, if my miracle does happen, then come back immediately, cause even if I were to get pregnant, it would be tubal because I couldnt have kids.

A phone call was made and 2-3 days later, all the "brethren" I fellowship in our home church met together at a brothers house.  We circled together in prayer and performed what is called laying on of hands. Which Biblically is simply touching someone while you pray for them (Hebrew 6:2 It is to be used wisely...not just anyone should pray over you). This evening, I was encircled by my Brethren and my husband, A strong prayer was made. Heartfelt and Believing prayer was made (God said where 2 or 3 are gathered together there I am in the midst of them. Matt18:20)  And I was asked if I believed I said "yes". And we all said "Amen"(Which means so be it).  IMMEDIATELY...I had to run to the bathroom. My monthly cycle came on hard, alot and immediately after everyone said Amen. (I almost didnt make it to the bathroom) It lasted for 7 days...IT was unusually heavy flow of blood.  The following month I had my normal 3-4 day cycle and the the following month... I was Pregnant. <3


BACK TO THE FERTILITY DOC:    I stepped in his office after the sono. And his baffled look said it all.  He said simply this: "I see NO cysts. I see NO scar tissue. I see NO signs that scar tissue ever existed...I see NOTHING short of a miracle...God did as you said he would."    Isaac means "Laughter" it is what Sarah did when the Lord told her she would bare a son, after she had been barren for so many years....God said to me in a dream when I was 7 months pregnant, the SAME thing he said to Abraham.  "In Isaac shall thy seed be called."

I went into labor on my due date.   Isaac Daniel Blakeman was born April 3rd 2003. After an easy, fast labor at 11:55 pm, weighing 7lbs 14.5oz.  And he was nothing short of the most beautiful baby boy I ever seen.

TO BE CONTINUED................